Wednesday, April 21, 2010
Sunday, April 11, 2010
Wednesday, April 7, 2010
Before and After
The first picture was taken last year in the main reading room in the New York Public Library, the second was taken a few weeks ago in my room. As you can see, my appearance has changed somewhat. Somehow I never lost all my hair...instead it just sort of looks like a baby's. It has started to grow back a little since this photo, and is coming in very blond and thin...basically totally different from what it used to be. I was told to expect this but it still feels weird looking in the mirror.
Tuesday, April 6, 2010
Irradiated and Irritated
So, a lot has happened since my last post.
A few weeks ago I had another CT scan, and the results were good. My doctor told me the nodes in my neck were in "necrosis" (meaning they are dying) and I was allowed to proceed with radiation. I was really anxious about the test since it would have been a major bummer if I had needed to go back for a few more sessions after my "end of chemo" party.
My radiation began about two weeks ago and as of right now I think everything is still going according to plan. As of today, I have received 10 (out of probably 25) treatments. The process isn't really all that different from getting an MRI or CT scan. Every morning I go in the room and lie on my back on a table and then get rolled into a big machine to get blasted. The treatment itself is painless, although when it happens I can feel the hair on the back of my neck stand up, accompanied by a weird metallic taste in the back of my throat. The whole thing takes maybe 5 minutes (the actual treatment is in 2 10-second bursts at different angles). I'm only receiving radiation on the left half of my neck (where all the swollen nodes were).
Since radiation is every weekday (at 8:45 AM damnit!), the nurses try to do everything they can to get me in and out of there quickly. Once I'm on the table, there are lasers in the room that the nurses line up with marks they made on my body so I'm in the exact same position every time. Consequently, I have a bunch of weird sharpie lines drawn all over my neck and chest. I sort of look like I've joined a gang or a weird cult or something. A few strangers have asked me what the marks are for, and it is sort of funny to watch them squirm when I reply, "I have cancer." Maybe that's not very nice but I find it amusing.
While the radiation treatments themselves are not painful, the past few days I have been experiencing increasing pain in my throat/esophagus. Although I knew this was likely, I had no idea it would be as bad as it has now become. It started last week with a permanent lump in my throat, and has slowly progressed to pretty severe pain every time I swallow (and sometimes even when I take a sip of water). Basically it is the world's worst sore throat. Eating has become a pretty annoying and painful procedure. I've been proscribed ever-increasingly powerful syrups to sooth my throat, but unfortunately nothing really seems to be working. Yesterday I was in so much pain they gave me liquid hydrocodone which doesn't really help either, but it at least it zonks me out enough to where I no longer really care.
Once again, the treatment is totally confusing my body. I've been producing an obscene amount of saliva, apparently because my mouth thinks it needs to clear whatever obstruction is in my esophagus. As a result, I'm swallowing (now with bonus pain!) constantly, which in turn causes me to burp all the time. I'm also getting the hiccups on an almost daily basis which is really annoying. Right now I've had the hiccups for about two hours. Any grandmotherly advice for how to get rid of them will gladly be accepted. Luckily I only have to put up with this for a few more weeks.
A few weeks ago I had another CT scan, and the results were good. My doctor told me the nodes in my neck were in "necrosis" (meaning they are dying) and I was allowed to proceed with radiation. I was really anxious about the test since it would have been a major bummer if I had needed to go back for a few more sessions after my "end of chemo" party.
My radiation began about two weeks ago and as of right now I think everything is still going according to plan. As of today, I have received 10 (out of probably 25) treatments. The process isn't really all that different from getting an MRI or CT scan. Every morning I go in the room and lie on my back on a table and then get rolled into a big machine to get blasted. The treatment itself is painless, although when it happens I can feel the hair on the back of my neck stand up, accompanied by a weird metallic taste in the back of my throat. The whole thing takes maybe 5 minutes (the actual treatment is in 2 10-second bursts at different angles). I'm only receiving radiation on the left half of my neck (where all the swollen nodes were).
Since radiation is every weekday (at 8:45 AM damnit!), the nurses try to do everything they can to get me in and out of there quickly. Once I'm on the table, there are lasers in the room that the nurses line up with marks they made on my body so I'm in the exact same position every time. Consequently, I have a bunch of weird sharpie lines drawn all over my neck and chest. I sort of look like I've joined a gang or a weird cult or something. A few strangers have asked me what the marks are for, and it is sort of funny to watch them squirm when I reply, "I have cancer." Maybe that's not very nice but I find it amusing.
While the radiation treatments themselves are not painful, the past few days I have been experiencing increasing pain in my throat/esophagus. Although I knew this was likely, I had no idea it would be as bad as it has now become. It started last week with a permanent lump in my throat, and has slowly progressed to pretty severe pain every time I swallow (and sometimes even when I take a sip of water). Basically it is the world's worst sore throat. Eating has become a pretty annoying and painful procedure. I've been proscribed ever-increasingly powerful syrups to sooth my throat, but unfortunately nothing really seems to be working. Yesterday I was in so much pain they gave me liquid hydrocodone which doesn't really help either, but it at least it zonks me out enough to where I no longer really care.
Once again, the treatment is totally confusing my body. I've been producing an obscene amount of saliva, apparently because my mouth thinks it needs to clear whatever obstruction is in my esophagus. As a result, I'm swallowing (now with bonus pain!) constantly, which in turn causes me to burp all the time. I'm also getting the hiccups on an almost daily basis which is really annoying. Right now I've had the hiccups for about two hours. Any grandmotherly advice for how to get rid of them will gladly be accepted. Luckily I only have to put up with this for a few more weeks.
Wednesday, March 17, 2010
The End of the Chemo
Hopefully, my last chemo session two weeks ago (more on that later). The last few were all pretty bad...it was really starting to catch up and take its toll on my body. I had been getting really anxious about the last few so the doctor proscribed me xanax to take before the treatment, but just the anticipation of getting sick was really overwhelming and I had to go throw up in the bathroom about half way through. Its pretty crazy that I still managed to have that much anxiety despite the three xanies I took that morning....
I am really amazed at the reaction my body has to the doctor's office now. The way it smells turns my stomach. I was watching a movie the other day where one character is in the hospital with an IV, and just seeing the logo on the bag made me nauseous. I've become the exact opposite of Pavlov's dog; instead of salivating I barf.
Some friends from college came in town last week, and what I thought was going to be a dinner out with them and my parents was actually a huge surprise party thrown by my friends in celebration of my last treatment. I was completely surprised. There were probably 20 or so people there...we had a private room and everything. My littlest sister even came home a day early from college to attend, I felt really lucky and loved to have such great friends and family.
I am still a bit in the dark as to what the rest of my treatment will entail, but he rest of this week is full of more scans and tests and doctor's appointments and I should be more informed by Friday. Hopefully everything goes well and I have responded enough to the chemo so that the radiation can begin soon. It would be a major drag if the tests aren't positive and I have to go back on the red devil....that would really suck.
I cannot describe how great I have been feeling this week knowing that I didn't have to go get another treatment. As of right now I am 16 days out, so this is probably the best/most energy I've felt since my birthday in November. I even went swimming again for the first time in six months. I was really slow. Contemplating entering some open water races over the summer so I have an excuse to really get back in the pool.
I am really amazed at the reaction my body has to the doctor's office now. The way it smells turns my stomach. I was watching a movie the other day where one character is in the hospital with an IV, and just seeing the logo on the bag made me nauseous. I've become the exact opposite of Pavlov's dog; instead of salivating I barf.
Some friends from college came in town last week, and what I thought was going to be a dinner out with them and my parents was actually a huge surprise party thrown by my friends in celebration of my last treatment. I was completely surprised. There were probably 20 or so people there...we had a private room and everything. My littlest sister even came home a day early from college to attend, I felt really lucky and loved to have such great friends and family.
I am still a bit in the dark as to what the rest of my treatment will entail, but he rest of this week is full of more scans and tests and doctor's appointments and I should be more informed by Friday. Hopefully everything goes well and I have responded enough to the chemo so that the radiation can begin soon. It would be a major drag if the tests aren't positive and I have to go back on the red devil....that would really suck.
I cannot describe how great I have been feeling this week knowing that I didn't have to go get another treatment. As of right now I am 16 days out, so this is probably the best/most energy I've felt since my birthday in November. I even went swimming again for the first time in six months. I was really slow. Contemplating entering some open water races over the summer so I have an excuse to really get back in the pool.
Tuesday, February 9, 2010
A Much Needed Update
People have been urging me to post an update, so here it is.
The aftermath from the fifth treatment (when I wrote the last update) was truly awful. I had been saying that previous treatments left me feeling bad but not acutely miserable, but number five finally put me in a really awful place. The day after my last post I lay in bed literally all day, feeling really ill and uncomfortable and pathetic. That night I puked a bunch of times, marking my first experience in hugging the porcelain with chemo sickness. When I was first diagnosed, I thought I would be doing a whole lot of barfing but that is apparently not the case anymore with more modern medicines. Hopefully it won't happen much more. I also thought I would be losing a lot of weight with all of this, but with a decent appetite and lack of serious vomiting that hasn't been the case. I thought simply not drinking beer anymore would do the trick, but I suppose my general lack of movement these days probably compensates for those calories and my weight has remained steady (the doctor says this is good).
Round six was now eight days ago, and it was par for the course (especially compared to five), although it is now taking me about an entire week to feel "normal" again. Normal is such a relative term these days, as my body is just so weak and I get so tired so easily, but I use it here to mean no longer feeling chemo-y and sick. It is still such a difficult feeling to describe and I struggle to find comparisons. Think a really bad hangover that doesn't go away for days.
Luckily, I only have two more rounds and then I am finished. I know I should have a few weeks off before I start radiation, but that hasn't really been spelled out yet. All I know is it will be 30-45 minutes a day, 5 days a week, for a month. Apparently Hodgkin's has been successfully treated solely with chemotherapy or radiation, but a combination of the two is just as effective while minimizing the side effects of either...sounds good to me.
Also, to my Middlebury classmates: I fully plan on being at reunion this summer and if you are not there I will personally take offense.
The aftermath from the fifth treatment (when I wrote the last update) was truly awful. I had been saying that previous treatments left me feeling bad but not acutely miserable, but number five finally put me in a really awful place. The day after my last post I lay in bed literally all day, feeling really ill and uncomfortable and pathetic. That night I puked a bunch of times, marking my first experience in hugging the porcelain with chemo sickness. When I was first diagnosed, I thought I would be doing a whole lot of barfing but that is apparently not the case anymore with more modern medicines. Hopefully it won't happen much more. I also thought I would be losing a lot of weight with all of this, but with a decent appetite and lack of serious vomiting that hasn't been the case. I thought simply not drinking beer anymore would do the trick, but I suppose my general lack of movement these days probably compensates for those calories and my weight has remained steady (the doctor says this is good).
Round six was now eight days ago, and it was par for the course (especially compared to five), although it is now taking me about an entire week to feel "normal" again. Normal is such a relative term these days, as my body is just so weak and I get so tired so easily, but I use it here to mean no longer feeling chemo-y and sick. It is still such a difficult feeling to describe and I struggle to find comparisons. Think a really bad hangover that doesn't go away for days.
Luckily, I only have two more rounds and then I am finished. I know I should have a few weeks off before I start radiation, but that hasn't really been spelled out yet. All I know is it will be 30-45 minutes a day, 5 days a week, for a month. Apparently Hodgkin's has been successfully treated solely with chemotherapy or radiation, but a combination of the two is just as effective while minimizing the side effects of either...sounds good to me.
Also, to my Middlebury classmates: I fully plan on being at reunion this summer and if you are not there I will personally take offense.
Monday, January 18, 2010
Journey of a Prizefighter
I am writing this post from the treatment room at the oncologist, my first instance of "live blogging" I suppose. It is a little cumbersome to type with an IV in your arm, but I've got to keep myself occupied here somehow for the next couple of hours. As usual, I am surrounded by old people staring at me like I don't belong.
In a lot of ways, getting chemotherapy is like going through a long boxing match. The first few rounds go by pretty quickly and you recover pretty much back to normal in between, but as the process goes on your body simply can't take the abuse and you never get back to normal. The bar drops a bit lower every time and I can feel myself getting weaker with each round. Good thing I am already on round 5 of 8 and won't have to put up with this for too much longer. I really can't wait for things to be normal again.
In a lot of ways, getting chemotherapy is like going through a long boxing match. The first few rounds go by pretty quickly and you recover pretty much back to normal in between, but as the process goes on your body simply can't take the abuse and you never get back to normal. The bar drops a bit lower every time and I can feel myself getting weaker with each round. Good thing I am already on round 5 of 8 and won't have to put up with this for too much longer. I really can't wait for things to be normal again.
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